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One-Line Bio

Hurting you with the truth since 1977.


I grew up on the Lower East Side of Manhattan, but six years ago I moved to Brooklyn in in the pursuit of true love and wedded bliss.

I have six brothers (five older, one younger), four sisters (all older), and more than 35 nephews, nieces, grand-nephews and grand-nieces. I am only 32 years old.

I hate olives, sheer black pantyhose, anything breaded (yes, even corn dogs), guys who think their balls need t h a t m u c h s p a c e on public transportation, and salted codfish.

I probably have an unhealthily close relationship with my mother.

I am fluent in both French and Spanish.

I travel a lot for my government job. It's a pretty sweet gig.

I love to dance, but am rarely afforded the opportunity to do so.

I devote way to much psychological attention to the state of my hair.

I find Clive Owen, George Clooney, Eric Bana, Jon Hamm, and Paul Giamatti attractive. One of those things is not like the other.

Nicole Kidman's face is a source of horrified fascination to me.

I live in fear of the day the robots finally take over.

I am a Scotch snob.

When I was in high school, I convinced my mother not to let my younger brother go on a camping trip because I was mad she didn't let me do the same when I was in the sixth grade.

I dropped out of my Catholic confirmation classes and never looked back.

I am an occasional smoker.

I went to a New England boarding school on scholarship.

My friends Haps and I heckled our college president during our Senior Dinner.

I unabashedly love "The King of Queens."

I am scared of open water and the deep end of the pool, even though technically I know how to swim.

I once took (too much) Ambien on a trans-Atlantic flight only to wake up three hours later convinced that I was on an alien space ship.

I love Christmas and start counting down the days as of June.

I am a bit of a brat.