A few days ago we received the Victoria's Secret Fall Shoes & Accessories 2009 catalogue.
And, oh my goodness.
Without further ado, and with the help of our trusty scanner, I invite you in to witness levels of cobbler fugtitude the likes of which have rarely been seen before.
These boots represent the very worst, the most evil, the holy-crap-why-are-we-dipping-in-that-well-again of the 1980s. These boots sit to the right side of shoulder pads, Aquanet, Colonel Saunders skinny ties for women, and pre-makeover Melanie Griffin in Working Girl.
As for these! It's like the Skechers designers came in 2nd place in The Ugliest Shoes in the World contest when they submitted their abominable Shape-ups, and then they went back to the drawing board, determined to put their heart and soul into their next designs and emerge victorious next year. It was all for naught, however, as the House of Dereon came and snatched victory from right under their noses. Drat! Foiled again! As Ramona Singer would say, koodooze, Beyonce, koodooze. You've earned your 1st place ribbon.Yay! You're a winner!
Mark my words, these are gonna be the hotness down at Hunts Point and at this year's Pimps Up, Ho's Down convention.
I would like to know exactly what kind of fight these tall gladiator sandals are going to be good for? A fight at Toga night at the Club? Gurl, just make sure your sexy club-toga doesn't get tore-up.
OH FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY. What, exactly, is the point of owning a pair of open toed boots? So you can show off your mid-winter pedicure? So you can continue to maximize on your toe cleavage? WHAT.THE.HELL.
Hold me. I'm cold. It's soooo c-c-c-c-o-o-o-l-l-d. And scary. And ugly.
But what the hell do I know? I also found myself quite liking the following shoes:
I lack integrity. I know. I'm sorry if I've failed you. Please stop by and visit again. Prettypleasewithacherryontop.
© Chommo, 2009.